I talk a lot about the need for women to take their place, live boldly and make a difference – while contributing to shape new, courageous and successful female role models. I believe that for women it’s time to seriously commit to fulfilling their potential. And still, everyday I see a lot of women holding themselves back. If you are one of them, in this post you’ll learn how you can start taking more responsibility over your life and actually make things happen.
I have this vision of a future in which women thrive. I see this potential in women, in you, to become free and independent, able to make your own choices and shape a life that is really built on what makes you happy. A life in which you have the courage of your convictions and you live brave-heartedly. Full of joy, good health and with everything that matters to you. Can you picture that? I surely can.
This is what I want for women like you, for women who want it and can feel the energy of excitement and inspiration just picturing that. I want it for you because I know you’ve worked hard, haven’t asked so much so far and I know how much you deserve it. This is what we are talking about: you, committed to fulfil your potential. Making space and time for that, because you know how important this is for you. You know the difference it could make in your life.
It’s time to take the task seriously, isn’t it? Are you with me when I say that we need women to stop playing small, settling down in the uncomfortable comfort zone, trading some sort of security with some sort of unhappiness? Like, staying in the shadows, behind a screen and never getting too visible?
I guess you want more that that and I tell you this: you deserve more and you have options. You just haven’t chosen your option yet.
You know you want to advance and achieve more (more of what you want) but something is still holding you back. I know. It’s that thing with confidence that keeps showing up when you step forward and keeps you small.
If you are playing small, if you are occupying the role of the supporter not because you want it, but because you think you can’t do anything more than that, I want you to stop for a minute and consider what could happen if you’d stop considering yourself as being less than.
What could happen if you’d stop occupying the role of the supporter who sacrifice herself for the good of others and switch to the woman who is seriously committed to make things happen – and actually make them happen? Because there’s nothing wrong with being a supporter, but there surely is something wrong with considering that the role is tied to your gender and that since you’re a woman, your role is to sacrifice yourself to support others.
No, thanks. Everyone should be free to chose his or her own role in society. So, what can you do to go from here to there?
STEP ONE: THE MINDSET or THE INTERNAL HANDBRAKE
Here’s the thing: what keep you stuck in a place of dissatisfaction and holding back is your mindset. What you learnt, what you’ve been told, what you think others expect from you. At this level, you need to do a mindset shift that looks like that:
- Believe that you deserve it – because you are already good enough
- Believe that you have what it takes to make it
STEP TWO: A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE or MAKING THINGS HAPPEN
Once this is solved, the next step is simple and it looks like this:
- Making things happen
And making it happen is kind of simple, because it’s about doing, it’s about logistic, it’s about trial and errors. It’s about being clear on what you want, check what kind of competences you need for it and start starting, one step after the other. Testing, trying, learning, advancing. Finally, advancing. Learning more also about some stereotypes about confident women in society? Yes, but you can learn the right tactics to elude the obstacle.
IT’S YOUR TIME: START STARTING
So we are good on the theory, right? Let’s come to the practice. Concretely, what can you do to start? You can take more responsibility over your life, anytime, starting from now. And here, I want to call out the famous elephant in the room:
“Hello fear. It’s good to have you with us today. It’s actually a great opportunity.”
Because, let’s be honest and talk about something we all deeply know, this idea of taking responsibility over your life is (also) making you freak out. The idea of switching from the role of the supporter to the change maker is exciting, yes, but also scary. It smells like danger.
Because if you’re not sacrificing your ambitions in exchange for some form of security, what are you doing? You are being the one who assure security to herself and her loved ones. Wow. And how does it happen? It happens with a decision, the decision that you want to be that woman. It happens in baby steps – because that’s why fear is there, to protect you and give you an opportunity for courage. Because this is when courage shows up, one step after fear. In fear, we act boldly.
So how does it happen, again? It happens every time you welcome fear and decide to stay with yourself and your emotions instead of numbing them, eating or drinking them away or calling that person for emotional support.
It happens exactly the way I did here: giving yourself permission to be scared, to be angry, to be insecure. Without judgement. Taking them as information and acting on them.
Fear is an information, it says: pay attention here. It’s useful. It’s loving. Panic is another information, it says: stay with me. Anger is another information, it’s says: the limit has been crossed. And if you have low self-confidence, fear shows up as fear of failing and ruining yourself in terms of money, reputation, relationships and so on. You can play horror movies about what could happen in you’d fail and prevent yourself from doing anything. So I invite you to meet that fear, because once you look at it, it’s not so big. You can meet your fear in a safe place when you answer these questions:
- If you take full responsibility over your life, what could happen?
- What are you afraid of?
- Is that a real scenario?
- If that would be real, what could you do?
- Is that worth the fact of having a subordinate position and not realising your dreams?
You can start from the areas of your life in which you are giving away more responsibility (you are giving away more power). Which ones are them? How could you start taking more responsibility on starting today?
The answers are all inside. Let them come out and make you shine.