Many women who experience low self-confidence know this feeling: they deeply want to become confident and at the same time they’re very scared about it. When they think about what would be possible in their lives if they’d love and affirm themselves, you can see that special spark in their eyes. Then the negative self-talk set in and they start being concerned about the potential consequences.
They believe that if they really become confident and ask for what they deserve, they’ll be judged as arrogant and be rejected.
The fear of being rejected and isolated is an incredibly powerful feeling. It keeps women in an apparently safe, uncomfortable space where they prefer to deal with the known consequences of low self-confidence instead of taking the risk of being great and get everything they want. Because then, what could happen? What could happen if you’d become confident and go after what you want? Who would you become? Can you think of somebody you don’t want to become?
CONFIDENCE AND KINDNESS
There’s a big difference between affirming yourself and becoming arrogant.
When you affirm yourself, you’re saying “I’m good”.
When you behave arrogantly, you’re saying “I’m better than you”.
Being confident and being arrogant aren’t the same. Once you do the work and become confident, you no longer need to prove yourself to anyone, because deep down you know you’re good enough. From this place, you can acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and love them all. You can recognise when you’re great at something and own it fully, without playing it down or feeling guilty about it.
There’s nothing wrong in going after your dreams, in refusing when offered something that isn’t right for you, in asking for what you want. When you act from this place of worthiness and kindness, you can’t hurt others. You hurt others if you put them down to feel better about yourself, but this isn’t something that confident people do.
You can be confident, kind and respectful at the same time – this is my policy. And I can promise, once you learn to accept yourself as you are, nobody can reject you. They can like or dislike you and this is fine. But they can’t disapprove you, because you weren’t asking for that kind of approval in the first place. It’s a new freedom.
Once the wounds are healed we become free to choose others and others are free to choose us, without the pressure of giving us that recognition and approval that we’re capable of giving ourselves.