There’s a radical change that happens when you start your journey to self-confidence and you’re committed to it. There are some obstacles in the path. But if you are really motivated to feel good in your skin and achieve your goals, you can overcome the resistance.
The root of low self-confidence is often to be found in low self-esteem, that it’s basically the concept of being not good enough. Being good enough means feeling worth of love and belonging. And what is needed to believe you are worth of love and belonging? Well, you need the courage to do the work it takes to change what you believe about yourself. As Brené Brown wrote:
Our stories of worthiness – of being enough – begin in our first families. What we learn about ourselves and how we learn to engage with the world as children sets a course that either will require us to spend a significant part of our life fighting to reclaim our self-worth or will give us hope, courage and resilience for our journey.
This is where this belief comes from – your first family and what you learnt about yourself as a child. Especially if you still believe it today that you are adult.
Probably someone who had the role of loving and accepting you the way you are, set some conditions for love, even if they weren’t aware of it, even if they had the best intentions. Maybe they were given some conditions for love too when they were children. It happened and you can’t change that, but you can change what you believe about yourself. You don’t need to believe anymore that you need to be a certain way or perform or behave according to what’s expected in order to be loved and accepted. You can recognise that you are already worth of love and belonging, because this is your birth right.
The key to unblock this mechanism is self-acceptance. The compassion to accept that we are human, imperfect and absolutely enough. The courage to accept also the parts of us that we don’t want to be. The awareness that we don’t need to fit in, please people and do constant efforts.
Because we already are worth of love and belonging. Because our own worth is not in discussion and it surely doesn’t depend from our work performances or size.
That’s the work I do with the women who have the courage to change their belief every day: I teach them how to look at themselves with a kind attitude, being not judgemental, accepting who they are. Love and be loved.
If you want to start doing something, keep in mind this only question for your journey: CAN I ACCEPT IT?
- Can you accept that you are human and imperfect and that’s good enough?
- Can you reframe your expectations and acknowledge that loving has nothing to do with judging?
- And if you are a parent, can you accept that your children are who they are?
- Are you able to love them even if they are very different from you? Even if they are not there to meet your expectations?
It takes time, it takes kindness and the courage to show up and do the work. That’s what I wish for you.
