I am asked this question several times per day and in this article I want to give you an answer. If you recognise yourself in what I am describing here, chances are that low self-confidence and low self-esteem are affecting your life and preventing you from getting what you want. Here I explain you why it’s time to do something for it.
Until fear of failure can be moderated, a woman who fears that she isn’t or won’t be good enough will not be able to take pleasure in living.
I am calling all the convinced perfectionists, the ones struggling with high expectations and constantly wondering if they are good enough. Everyones who experiences a paralysing dose of negative self-talk, who got used to be hard with themselves. And also everyone who, despite being scared but not prevented by negative self-talk, and maybe living a life that looks successful, keeps feeling like a fraud and worries about being unmasked anytime. Raise your hand if you ever felt like this.
- Struggle with low Self-Confidence: you don’t believe in yourself, your competences or the work you do (or could do)
- Struggle with low Self-Esteem: don’t feel good enough or confident or slim or interesting (or whatever you want) ENOUGH
- Keep comparing yourself to others, even if you know that this doesn’t really help
- Are lost in the things you ‘should’ do and keep putting others’ needs before yours, as if you would have less worth than them – and you never find time for what makes YOU really happy
- Have a hard time saying NO and setting boundaries
- Feel like you are not worth being listened to, you are worried about speaking up and being judged as stupid
- Behave like you constantly need to prove yourself, or to get approval from others
- Accept a lower salary, a worse position that doesn’t really leverage your talent, or avoid talking about what you do and turn down business – just to get angry at yourself later
Is your hand raised? Do you think your life is complicated, and you get too much stress, frustration and sometimes even pain? And, what’s worse, you feel like you are wasting too much time, energy and happiness in this cycle? Maybe you read some books or did some therapy. Maybe you know the theory, but you find it hard to put it in practice?
The first good news here is that you are not alone.
There are plenty of other women feeling exactly how you feel. I was one of them. Until I understood that all the efforts I was doing were a big waste of time, energy and money, because there was no new job, new salary, new city, new size, new relationships that was going to give me what I was looking for. And this is when I made this confidence – and happiness, health, success in my own terms – a priority in my life.
The second good news is that, even if many women experience this, it doesn’t make it normal or the way women are or the way you are. Having the life, career and business that you want is possible. Because, let me tell you, it’s all in your mindset. The rest is pure logistic. And you can always find a solution for logistic, right?
WHAT YOU WANT INSTEAD
So, here’s the thing. You are clear on what you don’t want anymore. But that’s not enough. You also need to be clear about what you want. So raise you hand again if you want to:
- Solve the issue with low Self-Confidence.
- Learn to affirm, value and love yourself.
- Learn to put your own needs first and feel good about it. That means, making time for yourself and finally treating yourself right.
- Know yourself better and have a great relationship with yourself – and therefore with other people, both in personal and professional environments.
- Stop thinking in terms of “good enough”, acknowledge your value and stop comparing yourself to others all the time.
- Believe in your abilities, work and contribution – and in the value + worth you bring to the table – and get the recognition you deserve.
- Stop overthinking and over-worrying and use those energies for something positive and constructive instead.
- Stop doubting about yourself and interpreting mistakes as information about your own worth.
- Get clear about what you want and what you don’t. Knowing your limits, respecting them and therefore making them respected by others.
- Learn how to speak with confidence and ease, being listened and appreciated.
- Get your life on the right track with a position, salary and purpose that are adequate and in line with your abilities, personality and personal interest.
- Build up a life that is full, positive, healthy and full of self-defined success. That means, improving your life quality, health and happiness.
Is that what you want? Are you craving a life in which you can be free, confident and independent? Then stop waiting and start starting. Because Self-Confidence is definitely the life-changer and questioning your own worth several times per day it’s exhausting, painful and it drains your energy.
Fighting for your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence is hard work beside all the other work you have to do daily. It’s responsible for giving you a bad quality of life, full of compromises and putting up with things that are not ok for you. It’s a problem that creates a lot of other problems in your life. I know that you may have already tried something to overcome this and you probably believe that there is nothing you can do about it. That you are just made that way. But the truth is that you are not.
So, here’s the third news:
Low self-confidence is not who you are, it’s just what you believe and how you behave. And you can unlearn that, no matter who told you that you were done this way. No matter what happened in your past. Today you are a capable, talented, beautiful woman and things just don’t have to be that way, unless you want them to be.
If that sounds like what you are looking for, starting helping yourself, whether you do it with my help or with the help of another certified professional. Do what’s right for you, but do it, because we need women to uncover who they are, take their place and make a difference in this world.