Stop Being a Victim - The Brave Hearted

The victim mindset has a limiting and negative impact on a lot of women. If you’re stuck in this type of mindset, it will impact the way you see yourself and lower your self-esteem. It’ll impact the way you think, feel and behave in the world, leading you to be a victim again. This is why, if you want to be able to achieve your goals and live a bold life, switching to a winner mindset is mandatory.

Have you ever seen a woman who spends a lot of energy in blaming others and herself about what happened to her and explaining that this is why her life is destined to be a failure? A woman who seems to have a lot of bad luck and to be surrounded by manipulators and other people who keep taking advantage of her? Have you ever been that woman? I was and I know how hard it can be to stop being a victim. If you feel the same, this post is for you.

I was a victim myself in my past and I meet often other women stuck in this way of thinking and behaving. I know how much pain can come from it, how dangerous it can be. If you have a victim mindset it’s because something bad actually happened to you in the past. For some reasons, you were made a victim. Maybe it happened when you were a child, maybe last year. Probably it wasn’t the first time, because victims often end up in more and more situations in which they’re taken advantage of again. Surely it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the others in the story and their own needs. But it happened. It wasn’t right and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Nobody does. So you’re here now, and you may experience feeling of sadness, anger, resentment. You may even feel guilty for feeling what you feel. You can blame yourself for what happened. Feeling this way is a normal response. There are wounds that need to be healed before you can successfully break free from this pattern of behaviour that can lead you to be a victim again.

Experiencing this kind of pain, seeing yourself stuck and scared in a painful situation can have a huge impact on your self-esteem. It can make you feel powerless in similar situations, because you mentally and emotionally go back to when you were made powerless. In this context, you operate as a victim. You’re stuck in a mindset that doesn’t allow you to achieve anything, no matter how well you prepare. And if you meet people who behave similarly as the people who hurt you, you can have an automatic response. Concretely, if you don’t control what happened, it keeps controlling you. Blocking you with fear and panic.

I understand exactly how it feels, so I’m not here to tell you that you attracted those manipulators, that you’re too sensitive or that you’re taking it personally. I’ve heard these sentences myself and I know how painful it can be. I’m only here to tell you that you can change things, overcome what happened and with enough work on yourself, break free from this pattern. You’ve paid enough already and it’s time to move on. It’s time to heal those wounds, rise strong and learn how to respond differently if you’re faced with the same situations again.

MOVING TO A WINNER MINDSET

Unsolved issues in our past drag us down and prevent us from getting what we really want in our lives. This is why it’s so important to ask for help and heal those wounds that keep hurting. So that we can become who we really are, without the limitations of our open wounds.

A winner is someone who always makes the most of her potential. She does the best she can whatever the circumstances and maintains a positive approach, even in the face of extreme adversity.

The winner mindset is how you feel when you think that you are enough and you deserve to achieve your dreams. It’s when you learn to set boundaries, protect yourself and ask for what you want. It’s when the people that surround you are the ones who value and appreciate you, the ones who support you. Whether it’s for the fist time in your life or not.

Behaving assertively means that we know what we want, we are ready to take total responsibility for our own lives, we take part in open and honest communication with others and that we are prepared to take a chance in life.

WRITE YOUR STORY

If you’ve been a victim, first of all, make space in your life to heal that pain. And believe me when I say that you’re able to heal completely and to build a new life. 

It takes work but it’s possible. I’m not telling you to watch the bright side, but I swear that there is a bright side. You can’t change what happened to you, but you can change the story you tell yourself about what happened.

If you want to start doing something, you can take your notebook and answer these questions:

  • In which areas of your life do you recognise yourself as behaving like a victim?
  • What are the consequences of this behaviour?
  • Do you know where it comes from?
  • Is there something that needs to be healed in order to move forward?
  • Can you accept and welcome your feelings (fear, sadness, anger, etc) regarding this situation?
  • What happens in your body when you accept them?
  • What can you do to comfort yourself when you feel these feelings?

This is just the beginning but I want you to know that you are not alone in this. There’re people prepared to support you in this healing process and help you learn new, positive behaviours that will protect you + help you to focus on building a great future. It’s your time and you so deserve this.

 

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