Self-acceptance is what will free you from the chains of low self-confidence. In this article, I talk about what happens before acceptance, that is resistance. Because changing a belief that you hold since you were a kid can change your whole life. And the good news? It will.
There’s a step in the path to self-confidence that is the less liked. Every woman passes through it before moving to the space of loving themselves, feeling confident and finally living a life that is no longer based on compromises. I experienced it too.
I am talking about what happens before the phase of self-acceptance: resistance. Resistance to accept who you are and that it’s enough.
Accepting who you are means to stop telling yourself that you are not good enough and believe that you are good enough, that you deserve to be loved, to belong and being accepted as you are. But why should you do any resistance to that? Well, because you learnt it. You have long list of reasons that prove to yourself that you aren’t good enough. Probably a long time ago, you experienced the pain of feeling not good enough in your first family, maybe you felt rejected, and you were told (or told yourself) that there were some conditions to be loved. You learnt those talks and behaviours and they became your self-talk and behaviours toward your self. And today, you experience problems with self-confidence.
This is what happens when you engage with the world from a place of unworthiness. Your own belief about being not good enough is inside you. It doesn’t depend on anyone else. It generates the feeling of shame, the fear of being rejected and it forces you to find some strategies to cope.
These coping strategies work for a while. Until they don’t work anymore or the price you pay for using them is too high. They can lower your self-esteem or lead you to other problems, like constant worries and anxiety, food disorder, sleep disorder and so on. This is the moment when you decide to do something about it. From my own experience, the sooner, the better.
So you wonder what’s the path to self-confidence and you decide to join my Confidence from the Core Coaching Program. We start with a module on the self-identity, that helps you to get clear on who you are and the relationship you have with yourself. And then, we gently move to the module on self-acceptance.
This is when it happens. While working on stopping your negative self-talks, the negative self-talks will resist. And you will resist the change. Even if it’s for the good, changing the belief of being not good enough requires some inner work and this is where the resistance shows up. You can even become attached to that belief and think that it served you so well, so you want to keep it.
For instance, you could believe that believing that you are not good enough is a good strategy to keep improving and achieving great results in life. And, moved by the fear of change, you could even forget for a while how much pain that belief is generating in your daily life.
Because, the hard truth? That belief is only keeping you stuck in your old life and it’s not going to bring anything positive to your life. So you could as well stop resisting, stop fighting and welcome the change that is happening anyway. Especially because:
There is no self-improvement without self-acceptance.
So, if you want to start, take your notebook and answer to these questions:
- Are you willing to be curious about yourself?
- Are you willing to change your expectations on yourself and set human, realistic expectations?
- Are you willing to accept that you are human and you can do mistakes?
- Are you willing to accept that what you got is enough?
- Are you willing to acknowledge your own feelings without judgement?
- Are you willing to see the beauty in yourself and value what you have?
- Are you willing to make time for yourself and listen to your desires?
- Are you willing to dedicate less time to others and more to yourself?
And now, take time for the answers, because it takes time to find the courage and joy to walk to this path of self-love.